Monday, April 1, 2013

Daddy/boy? What the hell is that?


Sorry I haven’t blogged in a while, but real life has been getting in the way.  I have been meaning to write this one for quite some time, but real life had been getting in the way.  It especially seemed pertinent after that little misunderstanding at SPLF this year (no, I wasn’t there and only vaguely know what happened.  I am not upset about anything, nor do I think other people should be, but I do think it has shed light on the lack of education about this topic in our community.)

Daddy and I are always being bombarded with questions.  What is a Daddy/boy relationship?  How can you be a boy and have female bits?  Is it 24/7?  Isn’t it like a lesser version of Master/slave?  Well, here is my answer to all of those questions.  I would like to emphasize that these are my answers, and in no way reflect a Daddy/boy universalist definition.

No, boys are not littles.  Although Daddy and I do enjoy a good incest scene every once in a while, Daddy/boy is a power exchange dynamic very different from a little dynamic.  I am a grown adult, and although I enjoy child-like things, like Pixar films and stuffed animals, I feel no inclination towards “little” things.  Boys may have a youthful spirit, but we do not want to be viewed as littles.  That’s a completely different culture.

The Daddy/boy dynamic, however, is very much like a parent/child relationship.  Think of when you were growing up.  Did your parents give you chores?  Did they set rules and guidelines for you?  Did they make sure you did the things you were supposed to do?  Daddy/boy is the grown-up, paternal version of that.  My Daddy is there to help guide me, set boundaries for me, and be there for me when I fall.  However, unlike Master/slave, I am not his property.  It is my job to be obedient and his job to guide and protect me, but I am not property any more than a child is a parent’s property.

Not all Daddy/boy relationships are open, but ours is.  Daddy lets me date; in fact, he has even “chaperoned” (accidently!) one of my dates before (that’s a funny story for a different time).  I don’t want another Daddy, but I do want play partners and lovers that are my equal, much like teenagers want to date.  However, like teenagers, Daddy always has veto power over my relationships; he is a much better judge of character than I am.  Much, much better.

Daddy/boy is inherently 24/7.  Do you ever stop being a parent just because your child isn’t there or your child is grown-up (boys can grow up and even be daddies to other boys!)?  Also, for me, being a boy is independent of being in a relationship.  I consider boy to be my gender, which I know is VERY VERY different than other boys, but this is my experience.  I use the spelling “boi” to designate that I am happy with my innie-bits and my big tits, thank you very much, but I do not consider myself inherently different than “boys” with a “y.”  I love being around other boys, spending time with other boys, even playing with other boys.  I can always spot other boys, even if they don’t call themselves that.  Some awesome examples of boys who aren’t called that: Arya Stark from “Game of Thrones” and Neil Patrick Harris (which is one of the reasons why I love him so much.)

Now here’s the really important part, so listen up: Daddy/boy is no less legitimate than Master/slave.  And this is kind of a sore spot for boys.  Master/slave is the default assumption in our culture.  For example, this weekend I was out with some friends, and I met a new man, and he asked me about my “Master.”  I wasn’t upset; I was clearly wearing a collar, and it is a normal assumption to make.  However, exactly that: Master/slave is the norm, everything else is Other.

Why is this important?  It wouldn’t be if there wasn’t a value judgment inherent in that.  Our culture views Master/slave as THE BEST, and everything else as a lesser version.  In fact, the Daddy/boy movement is fairly new, starting in the nineties and really hitting its stride in the last decade; the girl movement is even newer (I don’t know much about that, but I am sure some awesome girls would be willing to answer that question.)  My older brothers had to fight for this type of relationship to be considered legitimate in a world that only had Master/slave.  I don’t want to be called a “slave.”  I am not that, not that there is anything wrong with it, just like there isn’t anything wrong with being a pup, or a fetishist, or a kinkster, or a submissive.  I am just not any of those things.

That being said, I think the frustration I have been sensing from many Master/slave couples is born out of this same problem.  Many people call themselves Master/slave, even though that might not be exactly the right definition for them.  While I do believe that relationships are defined by those who are in them (hell, I am a female in a Daddy/boy relationship), I think people could be happier and find others with whom they could share a similar kinship and understanding if more people were educated about other types of relationships besides Master/slave and saw them as equally legitimate.  No, Daddy/boy is not “TPE.”  So what?  I still serve my Daddy, I still love my Daddy, and there is a unique type of belonging that doesn’t happen in other types of relationships.

In conclusion, Daddy/boy relationships are exactly what they sound like. They are awesome, boys are awesome, and more people should consider that maybe this is the type of relationship they want.  And when you are thinking about relationship types, get away from the spectrum of TPE.  It values some relationships more than others.  Think of each one as different, and realize that you are going to be unhappy trying to be something you’re not.  Trust me, I thought I was a slave when I first started out.  I think my brothers would laugh at that now.